Why life sucks and how you can change yours… 5 steps

06.23.10

Chances are that right now there is something about your life that you’re not satisfied with. And if you’re content with your life, then you should probably ask yourself why that is, because there’s always a level of greatness above contentment, you just have to know how to find it. Perhaps you’re going through life from day to day, living out the goals and plans that have been put in place for you by someone else. It could be your parents or maybe your friends, whoever it is, those plans are not your own. If you are to own your own life, and I mean truly own it, then you should be living through no one but yourself. If there is something you want to do in life and you’re not doing it right now, this is for you.

 

I think  one of the best ways to discover how to do this can come from examining your own life, so that’s what I did. Below are the principles that seemed to really stick out to me.

Sometimes people reach a point where they can’t wait any longer. One day they wake up, and that day will set a standard for every new day to follow, each day unlike any of the past. Put simply, they stop hitting the snooze alarm on their own life, and wake up to a new reality that is defined by themselves, as real as they are determined to make it. Unfortunately some people don’t ever have this epiphany, and others, not until rather later in life. Now none of this feel-good inspirational stuff matters if you’re not ready, being motivated and inspired is far less than half the battle. If you’re ready to take control, or you think you might be, take a chance and see for yourself.

 

1. The perfect opportunity was 6 months ago

Right now you might not be thinking it’s the right time to make a life altering decision, but who’s really to say when the right time is? Obviously there are things that happen in life making one time more opportune than another, but within limits you can probably start something new at any point. When I first started Think Top Down I waited until the start of the summer, and then I had the next couple of months to get organized. Very much the opposite happened with Esoteric-Life though.  I flew to San Jose the weekend before finals prep week, I couldn’t have picked a busier time, but it wasn’t worth waiting any longer. Despite what some people might tell you, certain things might not get better over time, and they might even get worse. You and only you are responsible for making your life what you want it to be.

 

2. Surround yourself with awesome people

Don’t hesitate to share your ideas with the people you know, someone might see hidden value in them that you missed. The worst thing you can do when starting something new is to keep all of your ideas to yourself. Any person who has successfully launched a new project will tell you that their idea evolved out of the contributions and criticisms of many people. Randy Pausch said something that has stuck with me since I heard it in his speech entitled The Last Lecture

When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.

The CEO of uApp, Adam Huda, said something similar to me when I was with him in San Francisco driving to our board meeting, he told me that the worst thing possible is being the smartest person in the room. You never want to be the smartest person in the room, and you should never consider yourself that person. By surrounding yourself with people who are both smarter and dramatically different then yourself, you will be better able to build something great. There is something to learn from everyone, and a truly intelligent person is able to admit the areas where their knowledge is lacking, and seek the advice of others who’ve been there before. Most importantly, show gratitude to everyone, even if they don’t show it to you, because they’ll notice and that makes it worthwhile. Humility isn’t encouraged, it’s essential.

 

3. Don’t forget important relationships

Remember work should never take precedence over relationships, friends, or family. These are the people you need supporting you, for that reason it’s vital that you take the time to attend to their needs before anything else. You can’t expect people to be there for you if you’re not there for them. It’s very easy to become engrossed in work. Make sure to come up for air every once and awhile, it’ll keep you sane, and it shows others close to you that you care about them and that you aren’t letting them fall by the wayside. If a problem does arise, work it out as soon as you can. A bunch of mounting little problems will produce a bigger and much more debilitating one later on. I’ve had to learn this lesson the hard way many times. People also appreciate directness, by not beating around the bush and choosing to confront an issue head on, you communicate to the other person two things: 1. I don’t want this to get in between the two of us and hurt our relationship, and 2. I’m listening and ready to know how I can make things better. An apology should have three parts; I’m sorry, It won’t happen again, and how can I make it up to you. Always remember that learning from your mistakes does not necessarily mean you’ve learned to change your behavior.

 

4. People will doubt you — prove them wrong

Choosing to push forward when things get tough, and you think you can’t go on, gives people that much more to admire you for. I firmly believe it’s at that point in which you want to give up, that you possess the most power for change.

The brick walls (in life) are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. Randy Pausch

Growing as a person means doing things that you never would have thought yourself able to do.

 

5. Changing one piece at a time means the rest will fall into place

Don’t worry about the end, focus on the now. As with anything, changing your daily life takes time. There are some things, however, that can help you get there faster:

• Identify the problem

• Identify the solution (if there isn’t one, keep thinking, because there is something that will make things better)

• Set goals; depending on what it is that you’re trying to accomplish these might be at 1 week, 3 week, and 6 week bench marks, or they could be over the course of several months

• Make a list of steps that you can follow until you reach each bench mark

• Decide on a method for evaluating yourself as you put your plan into action -> Do this so you can learn what works and what doesn’t

• Figure out who you want helping you and start the conversation with them now

 

Oops I forgot one…

6. Failure > Giving up

You’ve heard it before, it doesn’t matter what you do in life, it is better to try and fail than to not try at all. So don’t give others and yourself a reason to doubt what you stand for. You don’t receive nothing from failure, you gain experience.

Do you have a change you want to make, but aren’t sure where to begin, or how to make it happen? I read all e-mail.